The Win vs. Lose Mindset

I had a recent client who approached buying a home exactly like a business transaction. And to be fair—he wasn’t wrong. Real estate is a financial decision. Numbers matter. Strategy matters. Market conditions matter.

But here’s the thing: buying a home is never only a business transaction.

This particular client wanted to make an offer that wasn’t just a little under asking—not $5,000 or $10,000 under, which is often reasonable depending on the market and condition of the home—but more than $100,000 below the list price.

I completely agreed the home was overpriced. In five decades, it had never been updated. But it had only been on the market for a week, and the homeowner had lived in that house for over 50 years. She raised her family there. When someone sells a home like that, it’s not just about money. It’s about respect, legacy, and feeling that what they built mattered. To that homeowner at that moment, her home was worth every penny of the asking price.

My client saw his low ball offer as reasonable and fair.  One that should be duly considered. But I saw a very different outcome.

I knew that if we presented an offer that low, it wouldn’t just be rejected. It would likely offend her to such a degree that the door would close completely. And once that happens, it doesn’t matter if you come back later with a stronger number—or even that same ‘reasonable’ number when she drops the price because it hasn’t sold. Respect is gone. And the opportunity is gone with it.

I have literally heard a seller say after receiving a really low ball offer, “Those people will never live in my house, no matter what they offer.” And I have seen a buyer walk away when a seller refused to leave a 30 year old refrigerator in the garage. A $700,000 deal gone over a rusted second fridge that they didn’t even need, worth maybe 50 bucks on Craigslist.  All because they wanted to ‘win.’

Some people feel if their offer is just a tad better - $500 over a competing offer – then the house is theirs. But we are not bidding on a government contract where the bottom line wins. You never know what is going to matter most to a seller – and the seller can sell to whomever they want, regardless of the offer.  It might be money, but that’s just one piece. It might be other contract related items: closing date, whether or not you want a home inspection, whether you’re financing. But it could also be that another offeror has a young family, and that seller loves the idea of someone raising their children in that home.

My son listened to me talk about this one night, and commented that real estate is such a weird combination of business and personal. And he’s so right. Even in competitive markets. Even with spreadsheets and comps and price-per-square-foot calculations. There’s always a human on the other side of the table. Good negotiations aren’t about winning. They’re about finding a solution that works for everyone involved. And sometimes, the right answer isn’t pushing harder. It’s about letting that clunker of a fridge go—or recognizing when a deal simply isn’t a fit and walking away with grace.

The most successful buyers understand this balance. The most successful deals happen when both sides feel heard and respected.

And when that’s not possible? Walking away isn’t losing. It’s just choosing the right path forward.